How to have powerful conversations is a real challenge in business. And this cartoon that I came across on LinkedIn recently shows you exactly why. Both people are right and cannot understand why the other can’t see it. Can you relate to that?. Being certain that something is correct when your colleague is adamant that it isn’t.
I know I have been in this situation on more than one occasion. When this happens it is easy for the situation to escalate out of control with both parties believing that they are right, because after all they are. The only solution in these situations is to step into the other person’s shoes and to see things how they see them. Only then you will realise that they are also right and the confusion is coming from the fact that you are both seeing different things.
Now of course as readers and observers to this situation we can easily see the problem that these two people have, as we are in the position to see the challenge through yet another lens. Yes, that’s right there are always three positions of perspective to any situation. These are:
- Self
- Other
- Observer
In this situation the man on the left hand side of the page is seeing the world through his lens and that means that the number is 6. If the man stepped across the page and stepped into the shoes of the man on the right hand side of the page, he would see that the number is 9. And finally if the man stepped away from the situation and looked back, he would clearly see, as we do, that both men are right but it is just how they are viewing the situation that is causing the confusion.
Armed with this information, the two men can now have a powerful conversation, in a calmer manner, as they can appreciate the different perspectives on what is happening. The man on the left is able to appreciate the folly of his insight and so make a much better decision.
These three positions of perspective can be used anytime you have to have a difficult conversation with someone, or if you have to make a difficult decision. What I love to do is to put three peices of paper on the floor. Then one by one I stand on each peice of paper and reflect on how I am feeling in that space. How does the situation change when I view it from a different perspective. It is amazing what insight you can get into other people’s intentions and feelings when you do this.
I remember the first time I used this model was when I was deciding what to do about my racehorse Charlie. My three month loan period was fast approaching and I had to make a decision about whether I wanted to buy him. Although I wanted to, I knew he also had some underlying lameness problems which we hadn’t got to the bottom of, and given I already had one lame horse I didn’t want another one. So from my perspective the only option was give him back. However, when I stepped into the position of Other I realised that the owner was happy not to have the responsibility and upkeep for Charlie, so they didn’t really want him back. Finally, when I looked at the situation through the lens of the observer I realised another solution existed and that the owner might just consider extending the loan for another 3-6 months. Armed with all these different insights I was now able to make a much more informed decision about how to proceed.
And as many of you know, Charlie stayed with me and eventually, some six months later I brought him for £1. That was something I could have never imagined would be possible initially.
So what opportunities are available to you right now, if you could just look at them from another perspective? There are probably a lot more than you ever imagined.
The Art of Authentic Communication
If you enjoyed this post then I know you will enjoy the Art of Authentic Communication workshop I am running this Friday 21st July, along with the horses. There are still a few places left if you want to come along. During this experiential workshop will learn how to:
- Use the three diferent dimensions of communication
- Engage in listening and communicating more effectively
- Mediate discussions amongst team members
- Gain an insight into different personality types and their preferred method of communication
- Become more assertive
- Use your body language as a tool for communication
- The importance of non-verbal communication
- Influence team members and inspire them to follow you.
To book in simply click here. I can’t wait to share all this great information with you, as I know that mastering the art of authentic communication can seriously improve your life and business.
Julia Felton (aka The Business Wrangler) is the founder of Business HorsePower. Business leaders, entrepreneurs and executives hire her to accelerate their business performance by harnessing the energy of their people to work more collaboratively together. By aligning purpose with actions the team achieves exponential results as everyone starts pulling in the same direction.
Julia believes that business is a force for good and through designing purpose-driven businesses that leverage the laws of nature, and the herd, you can create businesses founded on the principles of connection, collaboration and community that make a significant impact in the world.
